I celebrate my mom as much as I can, not just on Mother’s Day. My mom is very special to me and I look to her for strength, guidance and support. I kept a journal as a child and I am a very nostalgic person, so I like to remember times as a child with my mom. I know that those days were wonderful for her, but they were also hard. My mom was widowed at the age of 36, and I now know more than ever how hard it was for her because I just recently became a young widow at the age of 35 when my husband passed away unexpectedly from cancer on Jan 23rd.
My mom put herself through school to provide for three young kids. I never would have imagined I would be in the same position of needing to care for two kids on my own, but I hope that I have the strength to do the same thing she did.
It is hard. My mind is scattered, there is paperwork everywhere, and I am buried in the process of getting my affairs in order. Although I know mine and my mother’s are devastatingly unique situations, I think that most moms can understand the feeling of being overwhelmed by getting things done and feeling unable to take in the small moments that happen every day with our kids. I am thankful for Mother’s Day (and, honestly, any holiday) as a reason to stop and take stock of how my children are growing. Children can strive in spite of and because of great strife, and I want to remember their smiles at this age. I want to be able to mark this time in my life in positive ways and not look back and wish them away or say, “I can barely remember those years! They passed so quickly.”
The thing I think happens is that sometimes we forget who we are. We become engrossed in being a housekeeper, a cook, a chauffeur, an employee…and we forgot that those aren’t the things that we are, they are just the things that we do. So, I am building reminders in to my life to tell me to take stock of who I am. I hope that this will help me remember to be mindful and help me to find the strength I need during this time.
One thing that has the ability to remind me of who I am is my morning cup of coffee. The picture of my kids on this mug from Photobox reminds me that I am not even only identified as a widow. I am not the hardest parts of my life – a newly-single mother working through grief. I am the mother of two beautiful children who love their mother. That is the happiest part of my life and it’s what makes my view on Mother’s Day so important.