It’s difficult to know what to do and say after your sister miscarriage has suffered the loss of her pregnancy. It can be one of the most painful experiences she’ll have in her life, and you want to know how to help her, but you also don’t want to push your way in when she needs time alone or step on any toes by trying to give advice that she doesn’t want.
Here are some ways you can support your sister after her miscarriage so that she feels less alone and more comforted as she goes through this difficult time.
What She Needs From You
Don’t say I know how you feel. You can’t possibly know how she feels unless you have also gone through a miscarriage.
Instead, say something like, I don’t have words that could describe what you are going through right now but I will be here for you.
There is nothing that you could do or say that would make me think less of you and I am so sorry. I understand that your life has changed but it doesn’t mean anything about who you are as a person.
Ask If There’s Anything She Wants You To Do
Don’t just assume there’s nothing you can do; don’t automatically think you should say nothing. Instead, ask her if there’s anything she needs from you.
If she doesn’t have any immediate requests for help, that doesn’t mean it isn’t okay for you to check in every now and then.
Let her know that she can reach out to you if there is something she needs but that if not, she should let you know if and when she wants help with anything or someone else they might need assistance from.
Express Your Sympathy Through Thoughtful Gifts
If your sister miscarried and you’re looking for how to help her, maybe it’s time for some thoughtful gifts. A handwritten card is always nice—so long as it doesn’t say something such as I know you’ll get pregnant again soon!
Remember that what happened was very sad, but she is not defined by it. These miscarriage care packages work well, especially in cases where you don’t have the words to express your sympathy.
If you don’t know what to say, be gentle and kind with your language; no one wants platitudes or empty reassurances at a time like this. What they want most are your comfort and support.
Just Spend Time With Her
The first few days after her miscarriage is going to be tough on your sister, especially if she’s never been through anything like it before. Give her time and space.
Let her know that you’re there for her, but don’t force yourself upon her when she doesn’t want to see you or talk about what happened.
If she’s not ready for visitors, then respect that and let her call you if she needs company later. Reassure your sister that it wasn’t something that could have been prevented or something bad about herself: It was just one of those things.
Don’t Avoid The Topic Unless She Asks You Not To Talk About It
The worst thing you can do when your sister is going through a miscarriage is to ignore it. No matter how hard it is for you, talk with her about what she’s going through.
Be gentle and compassionate, and avoid patronizing or minimizing words like it’s okay. Instead, say things like, I’m so sorry or I know that must have been really difficult for you. If she wants to talk about it but seems resistant, don’t force her—and don’t stop trying either.
Remember: Even if she doesn’t show it on the outside, miscarriage can be devastating. And remember that your sister might not want sympathy from everyone in her life—especially from someone who has never experienced one before.
Helping your sister get through her miscarriage is important. You’re likely feeling helpless, but hopefully, some of these things can comfort her.